Internally trying to figure out whats going on.... feelings are manifesting into things I have never felt before... a large feeling of rejection from so many people has me feeling what is wrong with me? I mean rejection from one person or family is one thing but lots throughout my life has lead me with the question of... what is WRONG with me? I am getting to the point that I want to reject myself... feelings of why am I here at all?? Im unnessesary and dont bring anything worth anything to anyone... or anything... my head hurts all the time... Im tired all the time... sure I can smile... but the pit of my stomach always hurts... my kids and husband deserve so much more then I am worth... instead of making people happy I am a bother... I wash dishes and clean laundry.... looking for a job that is non existant.. Free time... alone.. its all i got... everyone has thier own problems... and not time to hear my dumb complaints.. so here I sit complaining to a computer.. hoping it will help in some dumb way... I miss my grandma... she used to listen... maybe yell at me a little.. but she loved me.. always... I was her girl... now Im lost... nobody understands... I am home... always.... home .... alone... you want it??? you wanna stay home... you can have it... cuz it makes me ashamed, people treat me like I'm uninteligent... (maybe I am I dont know who I am anymore) This is my rant... ment for me... so I dont have to see rolling eyes or hear "your always complaining" this is how I feel everyday... all the time... my actual feelings... but now there are feelings that I have never had before... like maybe it would be better if I wasnt here... no, Im not stupid... i wouldnt do anything... I mean more like.. is this what my life is going to be like forever??? will I feel like this forever... so many meds I have taken... so many... now I need to figure it all out again... they never helped before... will they help now... another Psyciatrist... more dr's... I hate it here... rejection is everywhere...